Small Gods: God of Jerks

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As’holia is the God of jerks. The deity of dicks, the patron of punks, and the Lord of louts. His followers are those who take pleasure in the pain and suffering of others, and seek actively to create such emotions to feed upon. They steal food from children, ask irritating questions they already know the answer to, park their horses and carts right in the way of traffic and also right in the way of the door to a business. The priests are scions of these acts, the pinnacle of the sport of creating misery where none currently exists and causing as much irritation as possible. They’re more likely to perform a miracle at random, charge you for it, and then pretend they didn’t hear you when you said what you wanted. They’re the kind who show up late to their services, half-ass things, and then knock off for the day early. This fairly accurately describes exactly how the services are run.

 

The content of the services is a complicated ritual of bizarre and uncomfortable motions made in a specific order, as a kind of ritual dance. The effect of watching this dance in its entirety is to become extremely nauseous and need to lie down. The congregation then continue on to chants that alternate between high and low pitched wailing, these make listeners feel as though they have forgotten to stub their toes on something hard (and proceed to kick a nearby object with an intent to hurt themselves). From there They move on to silent prayers for the strength to create the most misery and mayhem they possibly can within their lifespan.

 

His symbol is an unusual shape that is at once impossible to conceal or hold comfortably. It pricks and pokes to remind the bearer to cause irritation and pain to those around them (and provokes them in the wearer). He is depicted differently each time, so nobody knows who the person is in the picture, or what is going on.

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